Changing Diapers When You Have a Weak Stomach

My husband has a very weak stomach. Almost everything makes him gag, which means poopy diapers are a pretty big challenge for him.

Now before you think he's just a wuss, which I used to - or using a lame excuse to get out of diaper duty - let me clarify: He really has a weak stomach. When I have the stomach flu he lovingly hands me cold washcloths through the cracked bathroom door, because if he saw what was in the toilet he would be doubled over next to me. He has to hold his breath the whole time he changes the litter box. He once ate a bad burger from McDonald's and now if we're passing one and the aroma wafts into the car, he gags.

Once he actually threw up after his cousin farted. And we were outside.

So, back to the diaper thing. Obviously for practical purposes he can't avoid changing one until our son is potty-trained. However, once I put my foot down after a particularly nasty newborn baby-poop blowout and Matt started gagging so much I had to take over for fear of cleaning up vomit and poop. In order for him to change poopy diapers, he had to get creative - so he wears a respirator mask.

I'm not talking about one of those masks they want you to wear if you go to the Minute Clinic when you're contagious. I'm talking about an industrial-grade, chemical respirator. He has several because he used to go into copper mines for work, where they're required for safety. He wears it each and every time he has to contend with a poopy diaper. (It's okay to make fun of him; I do. Regardless, it works.) Sometimes he even lines the inside with a dryer sheet.

And - eventually - my son wasn't fazed by having Darth Vader change his diaper.

If you are someone with a very weak stomach and interested in this approach, you can actually purchase one of these here. Who knew?

Or you can try the trick my husband learned while watching Dirty Jobs: apparently you cannot gag while smiling. I guess it's like trying to sneeze with your eyes open; it just can't be done. Now, according to Matt it can't just be your average Hey, How Ya Doin'? smile - the one you flash while passing an acquaintance in the hallway. It has to be an exaggerated, borderline-ridiculous smile in order to work.

He wouldn't demonstrate for the camera, but you know - the type Tom Cruise is famous for:

http://www.cosmeticdentisttoronto.com/smile-styles/patterns/





As my husband put it, when he explained all of this to me... "Maybe that's why they call it a shit-eating grin."

Above our diaper changing station.

Admittedly, changing diapers can be pretty disgusting. Does anyone have any tips to make it easier? Let me know, and good luck!

Toddler Tuesday: Why Doesn't Everything Have a Drive-Thru?

Today I'm asking the question I think many parents want to know: Why isn't there drive-thru everything?

When you first have a child, everything is a balancing act. You have to time outings according to his feeding schedule; you have to set your alarm to wake you up as quietly as possible so as not to wake him up; you basically build your life around an unpredictable, naturally moody infant. (And it’s great, for the most part.)

So why aren’t there more drive-thrus? I’m serious. When you have a sleeping child in a car seat, why can’t you go to a drive-thru gas station? Grocery store? Walgreens?

My husband watches our son during the day, but as any parent knows, 5pm-bedtime is “the witching hour.” I have the lucky job of taking our son on a 45-minute drive home most nights of the week, during said witching hour. If he’s not screaming, it’s because he has a bottle in his mouth. If I have to take him out of the car and put him back in to run an errand on the way home, it’s World War III.

My husband asked me why I thought it was so hard. “I take him everywhere,” he told me. “He’s great in the car.” This is true, yes – during the daytime.

Today I embarked on my 45+ minute journey with Johnny with not enough gas. Simple enough: I’ll stop at the gas station.

There should be a drive-thru where this guy is handing me a bottle full of milk.*

The first pump wouldn't take my credit card, which means a trip inside. I looked at Johnny. He was psyched at the idea of getting out of the car seat, of course. We went inside. I paid the cashier while Johnny screamed that I wouldn't let him push all the buttons on the cashier’s keypad. Suddenly, the cashier frowned.

 

“It’s not letting me put gas on that pump, ma’am. Can you pull forward to the next pump?”
 

Well sure, yes, I can, but that means I have to strap him back in the car seat (which he resists like it’s torture) to pull up four feet. I did it.
 

“Great,” said the cashier. “That pump seems to be working. Go ahead.”
 

Great! I set Johnny down in the bed of Matt’s truck so he could roam around while I pumped gas with my eye on him.
 

But nope. Nope, it wasn’t working. We went back inside. Now there was a long line.
 

“Excuse me, Sir?” I said plaintively. “It doesn’t seem to be working.”

“Hmm,” he said. “Let me see.” After checking out several of the people in line (while Johnny screamed again because he wasn’t allowed to punch the buttons on the keypad) the cashier gave me the go-ahead.

We went back outside. I put Johnny into the bed of the truck, as a man passing by loudly told his wife, "See? She lets her kid ride in the bed!" No I don't, I wanted to shout, but I was busy keeping one eye on the gas pump and one on Johnny.

Putting a willful one year-old into a car seat (or high chair, or saucer) when he doesn't want to is a challenge: they buck and squirm and - of course - scream at the top of their lungs. To any observer it probably looked like I was abusing my child as I tried to contort his body into the constraints of the safety buckles.

In conclusion, I implore you, retailers of the world: It is 2014. For us parents, can you please build drive-thrus everywhere? Then my son would more often look like this:

Sincerely,
The Mom of a Willful One Year-Old


*Source: http://phil-quinn.com/tag/customer-service/

Isis' Style: Going Bold in All Red

Isis got both this red shirt and the strapless red dress underneath at Express, so she feels confident matching the two reds together.

The charm on her necklace is a whale and was a gift from her father, because whales represent strength.

Earrings: American Eagle Outfitters

Shoes: BCBG

Local Review: Blue Willow Restaurant

This weekend I got a rare treat: since I had to go into work on Saturday morning my husband told me to meet up with my mom and sister while he watched the baby so I could have some "me time." As an avid extrovert, I generally think "me time" is an overrated concept, but add the company of my two favorite ladies and it immediately sounds like a great idea!

(Source: http://www.bluewillowtucson.com/)

We went to lunch at the Blue Willow, which has been around forever (since 1978, to be precise). My mom and I love the restaurant, but it was my sister's first experience there. We were trying to think of a place with an outdoor patio that doesn't border one of Tucson's busy streets, so I suggested this restaurant. It has a beautiful enclosed patio in the back of the building filled with lattice, blooming plants, a fountain, and strings of lights.

My mom and I ordered the grilled chicken breast sandwich, made with basil pesto, tomato, mozarella cheese and served on brioche ($8.95).* My sister ordered the Eggs Benedict Blue Willow (also $8.95), even though it was 3pm. (I never judge anyone for eating breakfast at all hours - breakfast foods are often the best foods.) Everything we ordered was delicious.

My Grilled Chicken Breast Sandwich

If you care, they have Vegan and gluten-free menus. In fact, this restaurant is so healthy my sandwich came with a fruit garnishment instead of fries. Personally, I would prefer the fries, but if you're more health-conscious than I am you will enjoy the variety of healthy options they offer.

This restaurant was the perfect patio experience we were seeking, and it's classy enough for my mom but not too expensive - or so hoity toity my sister couldn't wear her workout pants.

Bonus: It also has a pretty cute gift shop! My coworker bought this magnet there:

*I realize this review would be more helpful had my mom and I ordered different meals, but it just sounded really good; sorry.

It's the Little Things: White Teeth

There are lots of little things that affect your opinion of someone's appearance, but that you don't consciously notice. One thing I observed that makes people look noticeably younger is a set of pearly-white teeth. And I'm here to deliver some happy news: in most cases, you don't have to break the bank to get them!

Obviously, we all notice when someone's teeth are yellow (or missing), but a dull white hue is something you may not notice. Still, it affects our overall appearance. Someone with bright white teeth looks cleaner, brighter, and yes, younger.

I'm not going to hate on Lindsay Lohan because that's been done enough, (and not my style), so I'll give you a subtler example, of Nicole Kidman:



She's beautiful, yes, and you would probably say so looking at either picture. But the subtle difference here is her teeth. In the picture on the right she looks brighter - almost sparkly.

If you are blonde or have fair skin, white teeth make a huge difference (see how monochromatic Nicole's entire head looks on the left?). White teeth also pop against dark hair and a tan. So here's the great news I promised... Unless you really feel you need a whitening procedure, Crest Whitestrips do the trick!

Yes, I'm telling you that all you need to do is purchase these over-the-counter whitening strips (I've found they're usually cheapest at Target), and you will see results. Unless you have deep stains, I never spring for the fancy 3-D strips - I just go with old reliable, the original. I used them both in my beer-guzzling college days and the caffeine-fueled days of my early career, when my teeth should have looked like Lilo's.

A few applications makes a world of difference and you don't really have to use them twice a day, as the directions recommend*. They seem expensive, but used sparingly they last forever and keep your teeth pearly-white.

Note:
I have sensitive teeth, and they can give you a tingly, uncomfortable feeling at first. But it's worth it (remember all those braces tightenings at the orthodontist? They seem worth it now, don't they?).

Below are two pictures: the first, before I got pregnant and used Crest White Strips semi-regularly, and the second, while I was pregnant and too paranoid to put chemicals on my teeth. The difference is subtle but clear. In both, my roots are showing, and these pictures were taken mere months apart; still, the difference is apparent.

 

So get yourself some Whitestrips to make that subtle difference that will enhance your overall look! Chances are, nobody will say, "Wow, your teeth are really white" - but they might. And if they don't notice, but see how good you look, you'll get some compliments anyway.

It's the little things.

 

Sources:

Nicole picture one

Nicole picture two

Title Picture Source